The Story of Jack Schitt By Jack Coll

The Story of Jack Schitt

By Jack Coll

11-5-16

“You don’t know Jack Schitt,” now that’s an expression that I’ve heard more than a few times throughout my life, and on occasion I’ve had the pleasure of responding “I do know Jack Schitt, I met him in Nashville,” and I have the T-shirt to prove it!

Over the years Donna and I have traveled to Nashville Tennessee twice, don’t ask me the years cause I can’t recall them off the top of my head but I know I’ve been there twice. I was recently cleaning out a storage area in the basement and came across a T-shirt I purchased in Nashville on one of our two trips into the city and got a real good chuckle over “The Story of Jack Schitt,” clearly spelled out on the back of the shirt.

I’m a bit of a history buff and I’m sure the reason I bought this shirt is because it spells out the history of the Schitt family on the back. So for those of you not familiar with the Schitt family I’ll be happy to print what’s on the back of this shirt to help clear-up any doubt you might have.

The back of the shirt reads:

THE STORY OF JACK SCHITT

Jack Schitt is the son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of the Kneedeep Schitt Inn.

Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they produced six children.

Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after childbirth.

Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt;

Two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt;

And another son, Bull Schitt,

Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son named Chicken Schitt,

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers,

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Holy Schitt.

Bull Schitt just married a spicy little number named Pisa Schitt

and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt.

Now my friends you can proudly proclaim,

“I know the true story of Jack Schitt!”

     Now the Schitt family might sound a little humorous to a few of you but like I said I have maintained this information in my files for historical purposes.

The fact that my wife sometimes calls me “Full-of Schitt” goes to show you that she doesn’t know what she talking about.