Happenings of Long Ago Told by Our Oldest Residents

Tales of The Town

Happenings of Long Ago Told by Our Oldest Residents

By Jack Coll

3-16-14

Tales of the Town is a column I ran across while researching a topic from the year 1900.  The Conshohocken Recorder newspaper for a number of years printed this column “Tales of The Town,” I’ve tried to figure out if the columns are real happenings, or just a ghost writer filling space in the paper.  The columns ran from 1899-1902, that I know of, I didn’t check 1903 for the column, but I’m sure I will before long.  Sometimes the column will mention names, but are they real? Sometimes the column will mention a location where an incident happened, but normally it’s a common area like along the canal, or at the far end of Connaughtown.  Real or not, I’ve found the short stories somewhat interesting, if nothing else it make for good reading.  The thing to remember is this: some of the column state, written by our readers from 50 years ago, or written by our oldest residents who start the column off by saying “some 50 years ago.”  If the column was written in 1900, this would give us a rare look into life in Conshohocken from 1850 or so.  Hey, enjoy the short columns written more than a century ago.

January 18, 1901

(Signed by) THE PROPHET

     About fifty years ago, there were two barbers in town named Barney Fagan and Tom Lafferty.  Each were proud of their ability as shavers and stood ready to back themselves for the championship.  As their rivalry grew apace, they finally agreed upon a competition to settle the question of supremacy.  Two tramps, for the sum of a dollar each agreed to submit their much be-whiskered faces for the contest. One Saturday night about eleven o’clock they assembled at the home of Fagan (neither had a shop) and at the shot of a pistol each proceeded to slather the lather all over the face of his subject.  They tried very hard to keep cool, but when their friends began to yell “go it Fagan!” “go it Lafferty” they lost their heads completely and alas for the subjects, they come nearly doing the same.  They started to watch each other than the trouble began.  Fagan’s tramp jumped with a cry of pain and punching the excited barber between the two eyes dashed out the door with half the whiskers shaved off and blood trickling from his ear.

A moment later, Lafferty’s subject let a howl of rage and kicking the poor man in the stomach made his escape with a huge gash in his cheek.  With such a sad ending it was hard to tell who was the most proficient.  The contestants declared that the battle was for money, but those who visited Fagan’s house next morning thought it was for blood.

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January 22, 1901

     A good many years ago there lived in Conshohocken a fellow named Paddy Crowley who used to furnish the borough with all kinds of original amusements.  Paddy’s accomplishments were many and varied.  One day he heard that the Phoenixville Band wanted a cornet player and having been a soldier in the war and heard a cornet played many a time he thought he could play one himself.  Having a tremendous stock of nerve, Paddy went to Phoenixville and applied for the position.

     On hearing that the applicant had played with a brass band in one of Pennsylvania’s Regiments, the leader didn’t ask Paddy to give a specimen of his ability as he was afraid it would offend his dignity.

     When the band met to practice Crowley arrived with rather a dilapidated looking cornet and started in with the rest. Although the other members of the band often ran up the scale and played little snatches of opera before practice began, Paddy was never heard to play alone.  Finally the different members of the band began to remark to each other that they would like to hear Crowley play alone.  He had gone out with them in different parades and received five dollars on each occasion, so they thought it strange that he didn’t play alone.  They finally told the leader of the desire, so on one night before Crowley arrived they all agreed to stop suddenly on a certain note in order to catch the new comer playing alone.  Paddy arrived and when practice began he was soon running his fingers over the keys as lively as ever.  The entire band was sailing along beautifully in a march when there was a sudden stop,——–and this is what came from Crowley’s horn, “Baa!  Baa!  Baa!  Da  da   da!! Toot te toot te toot!!   Like a flash all hands seized Paddy, horn and all and threw him out and he never said a word.

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January 11, 1901

     Did you know that a man can be scared out of drinking?  Well the following will prove that such is the case.  A few years ago, one of our intellectual young men used to make a practice of going to town on Saturday night and coming home full as a tick.  Although his father used harsh measures to make him discontinue the habit they proved of no avail.

One Sunday night the youth was returning after being away since the night before as he neared the house a peculiar white object loomed up before him.  Like a flash it dawned upon his mind that it was a ghost from some nearby grave yard.  Uttering a wild unearthly yell he dashed up to the door and attempted to go through without opening it.  His father came down to admit him and the son gaspingly pointed at the weird object, but the father claimed he saw nothing whatever.  Next morning the young man swore he’d never drink again and the father smiled.  The youth has kept his word to now and will undoubtedly continue temperant.

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January 11, 1901

     “Oh yes, we used to have some fierce fights around the town when I was a boy” said an old resident yesterday.

     “We all bagged school one day and was playing along the Canal when along comes a feller with a basket with a great big mackerel in it. Well we wuz jist jumpin over each other and happen to bump inter him.  All of a sudden he grabs the mackerel and slashes me over the face with it, Me eyes got full of salt and I fell down but Denny Jones grabbed the guy an threw him, mackerel, basket an all inter the canal.  Then we scooted off without waitin ter see whether he’s sink or swim.  Well old Jim Murphy fished him out and they when he got home his mother beat him with a board fer losin ther mackerel.  He never bothered us after that.”

January 11, 1901

     When the old print works used to run here, there were some happy times.  All the employees started in Monday morning with a light heart and took an interest in their different duties.  Besides having half-holidays on Saturday there was always a big time for the glorious Fourth of July in which the late owner Jonas Eberhardt took an important part. The picnics which he gave during the summer are memorable events.  His famous place “The Hermitage” being wide open to his numerous guests.  Many a sad hear was gladdened by his hospitality and life made much brighter.

     It would be well for the town if some of this old time vim could be revived and make the residents think that good fellowship still prevails.

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